One and the Other

When men stop believing in God, it isn’t that they then believe in nothing: they believe in everything.

UMBERTO ECO, Foucault’s Pendulum

There is one and the other,

but the one is the other.

It is known that the one created

the other

Hence, the other is part of the one.

Yet, there are tales of believes in the one

but not the other.

In fact, the believe in the one is stronger

than the believe in the other.

It is best to know that there is the other in everyone of us,

but the one keeps us from the other.

Knowing the one and the other, brings understanding to chaos.

Unfinished

I know the sag of the unfinished poem. And I know the release of the poem that is finished.
Mary Oliver

Usually, before I come up with a story to write or plan, it first begins with a conversation in my head. It could be a conversation between two or more people, and the content of this conversation would eventual be the base of the whole story. The rest of the story is then built around the conversation. I would admit that sometimes the story hits a deadlock and other times it just flourishes, anyway here is one of those conversations.

boy, where do I start….I still haven’t found what I was looking for, but the feeling is still there. That nudge toward peaceful emptiness. The ‘it’ that you can sense it coming, but doesn’t seem to ever arrive. I feel….no, I know something is coming, might not be bad but not entirely good either.

“you need to quit with the drinking” she said to me for the hundredth time

“hey, leave me just this one vice, every man needs to be weak to something else they ain’t human.” I think to myself, our weakness is the very essence of humanity, else we would be like animals who maul’s it fellow animal with little or no remorse….”at least I don’t do drugs ehnn…”

she just stared at me without saying a word, cause her weakness is a weight she rather carry herself.

Glorious Chaos

Ever felt at peace right in the middle of chaos? like feeling some sort of calmness or out-of-body experience while a group of people argue around you? I have and I gotta tell ya, its glorious!

Took a short flight recently, and the turbulence was very persistence. I was getting really scared and i though to myself….”If this plane is gonna plunge, might as well not hear it happen”, so i said a quick prayer, plugged my headphones in with the volume at its peak. I closed my eyes and listened to “Sweet Nothing by Florence & machine ft Calvin Harris” while I awaited my impending death. I could feel the non-ending shaking of the plane, but my head space was stellar!  The mixture of fear and peace was such a glorious nuance even if it was in the mist of chaos.

btw so happy to be writing again!

Hazy

You can’t see clearly if you don’t stop crying.

It’s 2:00am, and am still up,

happens most times, so am not surprised.

It getting more frequent, and am getting worried!

every time I close my eyes, I play the same scene

over and over.

The weird part of this mess,

It hasn’t happened yet.

I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t know this people.

Am I to blame for this disaster to come, I wonder.

Oxygen reminds me of what’s to come.

HOME; Family.

fam·i·ly
noun: family; plural noun: families
1.
a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.

“Hey dad.”

“Hey, baby! How’s school going? Miss home already? Want me to come pick you up? I won’t tell your mum”

“Haha.., yes dad, I miss home, but not coming home yet. I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh, is something wrong?”

“Nothing serious, I just wanted to ask if I could get a room off campus? I know it not really safe or what we talked about, but the walls are really thin. Music is not allowed after light out, and I woke my friend up last night from my nightmare.” I explained.

“Oh.” he voiced. His always uncomfortable about these things, and that’s exactly why I called him instead of my mom.

“But, what if the same happens in the new place?” he reasoned.

“I thought about that, and that why am going to find a room with thick walls with a little distance from the other roommate or I won’t move out.”

“Hmm, I don’t like this idea, and your mom is definitely not going to like it.”

“I know, but I really don’t want to wake people up every night.”

“And you don’t wanna go see someone about this dreams.” he argued.

“Nothing yet dad, plus they’re just dreams.”

“When will it be, pup.” using his nickname for me.

He was quiet for a while. He hates that I don’t talk to someone about my dreams, but I argue that am fine because truly I am. Am not scared of the dark, I willing chose to be friendly, and I don’t have any other emotional problems aside from the scary dreams; it might sound weird, but am happy to come out with just bad dreams. I don’t think I’m emotionally, or physically strong enough to let myself remember my past. Deep down I know I had a horrible past, I see the result everyday when I look at my sister, but I don’t remember the exact details. The doctors that talked to my parents said my brain has chosen to repress the bad memory, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Amara, my sister was adopted when she was eleven, and she started seeing a therapist immediately, courtesy of our parents. Although, they were trying to help, but the sessions had the opposite effect on her. Ama doesn’t talk, only on very, very rare occasion. Whatever she remembered scared her to silence. She is terrified of sudden sounds ,new people, open space and so on. Now you understand why I am happy with just bad-dreams, at least I get to live my life without fear.

“Alright, pup! Lemme talk with your mom about it” he finally said.

“Ok, thanks dad.” I replied knowing I have gotten my way.

“You wanna talk to your sister’s or brother?” he asked.

“Bow have been texting me nonstop, and I face-timed ama a few hours ago, is shel’s there?”

“Yh!, here he comes, love you pup”

“Love you too da-da.”

“Hey grace” Sheldon practically yelled in my ears.

“Hey buddy! How you doing, miss me yet?” We made a bet that he was gonna miss very much, pretty soon.

“Psst! Are you a controller, and will jump when I press the buttons?
“What are yo…..Oh, your stupid video game.”

“Yep, I didn’t even noticed you left the house, where did you go again?”

“Haha! Very smooth lil bro, very smooth, but I miss you tho..”

“Yeah, whatever.” he said timidly. His ten and he is already acts like a typical male.

“Alright kid, when mum get home tell her “I miss you” what did I say?”

“To tell mum “I miss you””

“Ha! You said it.”

“NO, I didn’t…..I was just saying what you said.”

“Same difference bro, gotta go now, love you..Ha! You said it” I hanged-up without giving him a chance to reply.

 

**Note to self**

Start looking for apartments.

Bad-ass Joe

bad·ass
ˈbadˌas/
noun
1.
a tough, uncompromising, or intimidating person.

“Let go!.” Davis yelled.

“It too late man, there is no saving him now that they have him.” Ceal replied knowing he was talking to deaf ears.

“Am not letting that bastard go this time. Let go!” Davis basically ordered.

“Listen, all we can do now is fucking pray and wait.”

“Am Catholic. I don’t pray, I just ask for forgiveness after.” he snared as he walked out. Well I guess we are the bloody cavalry then, Ceal thought to himself as he followed behind.

 

HOME; Making Friends

Every new friend is a new adventure….the start of more memories.
Patrick Lindsay.

As soon as I walked out of my last class for the day, I saw Carol and ‘the dolls’. I was immediately reminded to called my dad to further discuss my new-found idea of living off campus, but I had to go get lunch first because my stomach was not having this new diet streak of having water for breakfast. I turned the other direction to avoid tea parties, talk, but unfortunately my feet weren’t fast enough.

“Hey, grace”. Carol hollered.

“Heyyy…..Carol” I replied, trying to seem like I didn’t see her while walking out of the class. 

“Where you going..” she playfully sang.

“Am just going to get lunch” I really didn’t want her hearing my conversation with my dad.

“Cool, i was going to eat too.”

“What about your friends.” I pointed to the girls talking behind her.

“I just meet them in my class, not really friends”

“Don’t you wanna get to know them. You know, make new friends.”

“No, they were being mean to the prof, and kept talking about shoes and stuff.”

“You talk about shoes too.”

“Yeah but not that much.”

“Whatever let’s go.” I guess she was tagging along.

We got to the cafeteria which I have to admit is really impressive. It has four stations; Heal; the healthy food section., Dill Strauser; the burger joint, Castrol; the fancy place where chef’s make the food, and Express; The any-kind-of-drink you want place. This is one of the many cafeterias in the school. We went to Heal to get some salad from the salad bar, and I choose a spot at the back so I could talk without being disturbed, or being the disturbance.

“You only had peppers in your salad, that’s weird” Carol observed.

“I got some cucumbers too”

“No cheese, tomatoes or eggs.”

“She refused to melt the cheese, so lemme alone.”

“Who eats salad with melted cheese?”

“I think you mean people should eat salad with melted cheese.” I smiled. We ate our launch, and just chatted about new people in our classes for a while.

“I need to talk to my dad about getting a room off campus.” I conversed.

“What! why do you want to leave the dorm? Is it because of me? ”

“What! No! I just don’t like it. The walls are thin, and I have loud nightmares.” I said with a matter-of-fact face without realizing what i was saying. I do that sometimes, i just blunt out the first thing that comes to mind without giving it more thought.

“Oh.” she said quietly as she looked at me weirdly. Good, I though to myself, now you can stop trying to be my friends…..am all kinds of weird.

“O ooh, we can go apartment shopping together!” she announced cheerfully. I exhaled heavily. I guess this one is sticking.

“Probably, I have to talk to my dad first though.”

“yeah, of cos!.

**NOTE**

Remember to always have headphone on, so you can pretend you don’t hear people calling.

Give me a mention

Give me a mention, please.

This is the starting of my greatest

the still air, like we are frozen in time

and every sound a loud echo.

Holding my breath,

his walking, step of confident exhumes him.

One after the other. How? I ask myself

I stretch my hand, I just wanna ask

maybe, he will give me a mention

to whatever source the strength pours from.