You should have known

Doing the right thing is a decision, which in many cases means you stand alone.
Sebastian Kurz

Ever went in so deep,

and fell so fast?

Then I took my leave,

I waited outside

now they all have questions in their gaze

I took it, and it was right!

The thrill of making a decision,

a decision they will never know about.

If I know one thing, is I cannot just be a peach.

Something gotta ease my mind.

I know my weakness but i have an armor now.

Easily overlooked!

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.” 

― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

Say what you wish, but i am yet to meet a human who does not feel some time of emotion once remarked.

Hell, there is a whole industry that banks on the continuous feelings that people get from remarks. Our ever-loving—soul sucking—but still worth-it social media platform.

Even our very own wordpress blog strives on remarks, hence the need to get more follower, likes, comment etc.

Am writing this now only because the realization just dawned on me. For a very long time I was one of those who vehemently believed I didn’t care what anyone remarks was about me until I began consciously writing and increasing my social media presence. Every like’s and comment i got was like an imaginary tap on my back telling me “you have done good”, which is ridiculous but very true.

P.S Ever tried letting out a quick scream while driving? you should….very therapeutic!

Moving parts

There are moving parts to everything, the question is who controls the pulley.

odi

Cars have so many moving parts, but just one driver controls it. Such situations happens in almost every thing we do. That being said, it is a well known truth that in every situation someone stands to gain something, hence the need for a neutral third party. My point is, the several News outlet in America have something to gain on how they present their ‘news’, hence it is very important to listen to it as a neutral third party!

Thinking……

It is much easier to say people are different that actually acknowledging the fact. My motto in life has always been ‘treating people the way I want to be treated’ and that is causing some philosophical problems for me.

Even if people are different, I believe, there are certain thing e.g behaviors in life that remains constant in every human. My personal experience with friendship has put me in some sort of dilemma as I question the essence of friendship and my assumed open-mindedness.

“doing that sounds okay to you?”

“yeah, why”

“cause i find it ridiculous and disappointing”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, that just the way I am…..I do the same thing with other friends!”

“and they have no problem with that?”

“no, everybody is different and that’s me”

“okay, right……….!”

what happens when what you seem to think is open knowledge in reference to friendship is actually not open at all? do you reevaluate or just forget the friendship? asking for a friend!

One and the Other

When men stop believing in God, it isn’t that they then believe in nothing: they believe in everything.

UMBERTO ECO, Foucault’s Pendulum

There is one and the other,

but the one is the other.

It is known that the one created

the other

Hence, the other is part of the one.

Yet, there are tales of believes in the one

but not the other.

In fact, the believe in the one is stronger

than the believe in the other.

It is best to know that there is the other in everyone of us,

but the one keeps us from the other.

Knowing the one and the other, brings understanding to chaos.

HOME; Family.

fam·i·ly
noun: family; plural noun: families
1.
a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.

“Hey dad.”

“Hey, baby! How’s school going? Miss home already? Want me to come pick you up? I won’t tell your mum”

“Haha.., yes dad, I miss home, but not coming home yet. I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh, is something wrong?”

“Nothing serious, I just wanted to ask if I could get a room off campus? I know it not really safe or what we talked about, but the walls are really thin. Music is not allowed after light out, and I woke my friend up last night from my nightmare.” I explained.

“Oh.” he voiced. His always uncomfortable about these things, and that’s exactly why I called him instead of my mom.

“But, what if the same happens in the new place?” he reasoned.

“I thought about that, and that why am going to find a room with thick walls with a little distance from the other roommate or I won’t move out.”

“Hmm, I don’t like this idea, and your mom is definitely not going to like it.”

“I know, but I really don’t want to wake people up every night.”

“And you don’t wanna go see someone about this dreams.” he argued.

“Nothing yet dad, plus they’re just dreams.”

“When will it be, pup.” using his nickname for me.

He was quiet for a while. He hates that I don’t talk to someone about my dreams, but I argue that am fine because truly I am. Am not scared of the dark, I willing chose to be friendly, and I don’t have any other emotional problems aside from the scary dreams; it might sound weird, but am happy to come out with just bad dreams. I don’t think I’m emotionally, or physically strong enough to let myself remember my past. Deep down I know I had a horrible past, I see the result everyday when I look at my sister, but I don’t remember the exact details. The doctors that talked to my parents said my brain has chosen to repress the bad memory, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Amara, my sister was adopted when she was eleven, and she started seeing a therapist immediately, courtesy of our parents. Although, they were trying to help, but the sessions had the opposite effect on her. Ama doesn’t talk, only on very, very rare occasion. Whatever she remembered scared her to silence. She is terrified of sudden sounds ,new people, open space and so on. Now you understand why I am happy with just bad-dreams, at least I get to live my life without fear.

“Alright, pup! Lemme talk with your mom about it” he finally said.

“Ok, thanks dad.” I replied knowing I have gotten my way.

“You wanna talk to your sister’s or brother?” he asked.

“Bow have been texting me nonstop, and I face-timed ama a few hours ago, is shel’s there?”

“Yh!, here he comes, love you pup”

“Love you too da-da.”

“Hey grace” Sheldon practically yelled in my ears.

“Hey buddy! How you doing, miss me yet?” We made a bet that he was gonna miss very much, pretty soon.

“Psst! Are you a controller, and will jump when I press the buttons?
“What are yo…..Oh, your stupid video game.”

“Yep, I didn’t even noticed you left the house, where did you go again?”

“Haha! Very smooth lil bro, very smooth, but I miss you tho..”

“Yeah, whatever.” he said timidly. His ten and he is already acts like a typical male.

“Alright kid, when mum get home tell her “I miss you” what did I say?”

“To tell mum “I miss you””

“Ha! You said it.”

“NO, I didn’t…..I was just saying what you said.”

“Same difference bro, gotta go now, love you..Ha! You said it” I hanged-up without giving him a chance to reply.

 

**Note to self**

Start looking for apartments.

HOME; Making Friends

Every new friend is a new adventure….the start of more memories.
Patrick Lindsay.

As soon as I walked out of my last class for the day, I saw Carol and ‘the dolls’. I was immediately reminded to called my dad to further discuss my new-found idea of living off campus, but I had to go get lunch first because my stomach was not having this new diet streak of having water for breakfast. I turned the other direction to avoid tea parties, talk, but unfortunately my feet weren’t fast enough.

“Hey, grace”. Carol hollered.

“Heyyy…..Carol” I replied, trying to seem like I didn’t see her while walking out of the class. 

“Where you going..” she playfully sang.

“Am just going to get lunch” I really didn’t want her hearing my conversation with my dad.

“Cool, i was going to eat too.”

“What about your friends.” I pointed to the girls talking behind her.

“I just meet them in my class, not really friends”

“Don’t you wanna get to know them. You know, make new friends.”

“No, they were being mean to the prof, and kept talking about shoes and stuff.”

“You talk about shoes too.”

“Yeah but not that much.”

“Whatever let’s go.” I guess she was tagging along.

We got to the cafeteria which I have to admit is really impressive. It has four stations; Heal; the healthy food section., Dill Strauser; the burger joint, Castrol; the fancy place where chef’s make the food, and Express; The any-kind-of-drink you want place. This is one of the many cafeterias in the school. We went to Heal to get some salad from the salad bar, and I choose a spot at the back so I could talk without being disturbed, or being the disturbance.

“You only had peppers in your salad, that’s weird” Carol observed.

“I got some cucumbers too”

“No cheese, tomatoes or eggs.”

“She refused to melt the cheese, so lemme alone.”

“Who eats salad with melted cheese?”

“I think you mean people should eat salad with melted cheese.” I smiled. We ate our launch, and just chatted about new people in our classes for a while.

“I need to talk to my dad about getting a room off campus.” I conversed.

“What! why do you want to leave the dorm? Is it because of me? ”

“What! No! I just don’t like it. The walls are thin, and I have loud nightmares.” I said with a matter-of-fact face without realizing what i was saying. I do that sometimes, i just blunt out the first thing that comes to mind without giving it more thought.

“Oh.” she said quietly as she looked at me weirdly. Good, I though to myself, now you can stop trying to be my friends…..am all kinds of weird.

“O ooh, we can go apartment shopping together!” she announced cheerfully. I exhaled heavily. I guess this one is sticking.

“Probably, I have to talk to my dad first though.”

“yeah, of cos!.

**NOTE**

Remember to always have headphone on, so you can pretend you don’t hear people calling.

Give me a mention

Give me a mention, please.

This is the starting of my greatest

the still air, like we are frozen in time

and every sound a loud echo.

Holding my breath,

his walking, step of confident exhumes him.

One after the other. How? I ask myself

I stretch my hand, I just wanna ask

maybe, he will give me a mention

to whatever source the strength pours from.

HOME

HOME;
It is not just where you lay your head.

This is a story am working on. I already have two episode written in my blog, then i realize i don’t have an introduction, or a synopsis of what the story is about so here it goes……,

Grace is a student at a prestigious ivy leagues college. She and her little sister were adopted into a very beautiful family that she now proudly calls her own, but every night she is hunted by her dreams which are the memories of her dark childhood that her subconscious mind has kept locked in a box.  She is sarcastic, funny, happy, and brilliant as long as she doesn’t remember. She wins competitions, create lasting relationships, and happy memories for herself to keep the darkness at-bay. She creates a home for herself.

 

**This story is a humorous and happy story with just a touch of sadness, and a lot of interesting characters to come.**