I wanna stand here and whisper

As I should.

Go that way,

I will take the long way down

I will find my way around.

I saw a glimpse and I don’t like what I see,

The dissonance is draining, so

Am going back in, into myself

Basking in my solitude, sublime!

It takes a while to come back out,

So don’t hold your breath.

Mantle

I can’t believe that I can’t believe it!

Dancing to my tune of rejection

Wrapped up in my internal dissension,

That I somehow ignored my insignificance.

Now, I know am only passing through

Hurts, cause I made in you a mantle.

Had it almost,

Now I do believe am only passing through.

What to say and what I really mean,

“Imagine them, Compare to you”

Am I over thinking things again?

Will I gain courage for the truth?

Maybe, cause where my heart is there is never a home.

I think I wanna be alone now!

You should have known

Doing the right thing is a decision, which in many cases means you stand alone.
Sebastian Kurz

Ever went in so deep,

and fell so fast?

Then I took my leave,

I waited outside

now they all have questions in their gaze

I took it, and it was right!

The thrill of making a decision,

a decision they will never know about.

If I know one thing, is I cannot just be a peach.

Something gotta ease my mind.

I know my weakness but i have an armor now.

Easily overlooked!

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.” 

― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

Say what you wish, but i am yet to meet a human who does not feel some time of emotion once remarked.

Hell, there is a whole industry that banks on the continuous feelings that people get from remarks. Our ever-loving—soul sucking—but still worth-it social media platform.

Even our very own wordpress blog strives on remarks, hence the need to get more follower, likes, comment etc.

Am writing this now only because the realization just dawned on me. For a very long time I was one of those who vehemently believed I didn’t care what anyone remarks was about me until I began consciously writing and increasing my social media presence. Every like’s and comment i got was like an imaginary tap on my back telling me “you have done good”, which is ridiculous but very true.

P.S Ever tried letting out a quick scream while driving? you should….very therapeutic!

Moving parts

There are moving parts to everything, the question is who controls the pulley.

odi

Cars have so many moving parts, but just one driver controls it. Such situations happens in almost every thing we do. That being said, it is a well known truth that in every situation someone stands to gain something, hence the need for a neutral third party. My point is, the several News outlet in America have something to gain on how they present their ‘news’, hence it is very important to listen to it as a neutral third party!

Thinking……

It is much easier to say people are different that actually acknowledging the fact. My motto in life has always been ‘treating people the way I want to be treated’ and that is causing some philosophical problems for me.

Even if people are different, I believe, there are certain thing e.g behaviors in life that remains constant in every human. My personal experience with friendship has put me in some sort of dilemma as I question the essence of friendship and my assumed open-mindedness.

“doing that sounds okay to you?”

“yeah, why”

“cause i find it ridiculous and disappointing”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, that just the way I am…..I do the same thing with other friends!”

“and they have no problem with that?”

“no, everybody is different and that’s me”

“okay, right……….!”

what happens when what you seem to think is open knowledge in reference to friendship is actually not open at all? do you reevaluate or just forget the friendship? asking for a friend!

One and the Other

When men stop believing in God, it isn’t that they then believe in nothing: they believe in everything.

UMBERTO ECO, Foucault’s Pendulum

There is one and the other,

but the one is the other.

It is known that the one created

the other

Hence, the other is part of the one.

Yet, there are tales of believes in the one

but not the other.

In fact, the believe in the one is stronger

than the believe in the other.

It is best to know that there is the other in everyone of us,

but the one keeps us from the other.

Knowing the one and the other, brings understanding to chaos.

HOME; Family.

fam·i·ly
noun: family; plural noun: families
1.
a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.

“Hey dad.”

“Hey, baby! How’s school going? Miss home already? Want me to come pick you up? I won’t tell your mum”

“Haha.., yes dad, I miss home, but not coming home yet. I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh, is something wrong?”

“Nothing serious, I just wanted to ask if I could get a room off campus? I know it not really safe or what we talked about, but the walls are really thin. Music is not allowed after light out, and I woke my friend up last night from my nightmare.” I explained.

“Oh.” he voiced. His always uncomfortable about these things, and that’s exactly why I called him instead of my mom.

“But, what if the same happens in the new place?” he reasoned.

“I thought about that, and that why am going to find a room with thick walls with a little distance from the other roommate or I won’t move out.”

“Hmm, I don’t like this idea, and your mom is definitely not going to like it.”

“I know, but I really don’t want to wake people up every night.”

“And you don’t wanna go see someone about this dreams.” he argued.

“Nothing yet dad, plus they’re just dreams.”

“When will it be, pup.” using his nickname for me.

He was quiet for a while. He hates that I don’t talk to someone about my dreams, but I argue that am fine because truly I am. Am not scared of the dark, I willing chose to be friendly, and I don’t have any other emotional problems aside from the scary dreams; it might sound weird, but am happy to come out with just bad dreams. I don’t think I’m emotionally, or physically strong enough to let myself remember my past. Deep down I know I had a horrible past, I see the result everyday when I look at my sister, but I don’t remember the exact details. The doctors that talked to my parents said my brain has chosen to repress the bad memory, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Amara, my sister was adopted when she was eleven, and she started seeing a therapist immediately, courtesy of our parents. Although, they were trying to help, but the sessions had the opposite effect on her. Ama doesn’t talk, only on very, very rare occasion. Whatever she remembered scared her to silence. She is terrified of sudden sounds ,new people, open space and so on. Now you understand why I am happy with just bad-dreams, at least I get to live my life without fear.

“Alright, pup! Lemme talk with your mom about it” he finally said.

“Ok, thanks dad.” I replied knowing I have gotten my way.

“You wanna talk to your sister’s or brother?” he asked.

“Bow have been texting me nonstop, and I face-timed ama a few hours ago, is shel’s there?”

“Yh!, here he comes, love you pup”

“Love you too da-da.”

“Hey grace” Sheldon practically yelled in my ears.

“Hey buddy! How you doing, miss me yet?” We made a bet that he was gonna miss very much, pretty soon.

“Psst! Are you a controller, and will jump when I press the buttons?
“What are yo…..Oh, your stupid video game.”

“Yep, I didn’t even noticed you left the house, where did you go again?”

“Haha! Very smooth lil bro, very smooth, but I miss you tho..”

“Yeah, whatever.” he said timidly. His ten and he is already acts like a typical male.

“Alright kid, when mum get home tell her “I miss you” what did I say?”

“To tell mum “I miss you””

“Ha! You said it.”

“NO, I didn’t…..I was just saying what you said.”

“Same difference bro, gotta go now, love you..Ha! You said it” I hanged-up without giving him a chance to reply.

 

**Note to self**

Start looking for apartments.