Out the Blue.
I squandered my resistance,
for what? I don’t remember.
Fleeting pleasures, I reckon.
At the hands of strangers,
seeking acceptance from the ragged people
Cause the fine ones,
come with fine prints I can’t read.
The harder i squint the blurrier it gets.
I can feel it, something is off.
ahh,
I just wanna find peace.
It’s been too foreign to me,
buried below my feet.
I will dig them out, and sift the oddity
we will be whole, eventually.
I promise.
Looking for something, not sure what it is.
Lately, I have been feeling like I need to get lost in something. You know the kinda feeling where you are just lost in the motion and don’t feel anything around you but the presence of just being.
Like eyes closed, dancing to your favorite song in the dark. Not caring if the motions are weird, you are just lost in the music!
Like that, everyday!
Does that make sense?🤔
Let see if getting lost in a book will do the trick 💭
Where will your pride take you?
Beware,
You’re riding on the waves of your ego.
Know this,
Even the waves has an end
Short lived, sporadic sprouts of force
But to what end?!
Flat and deprived of life.
For a moment.
The ground on which you stand,
connects us all, you and me.
A tiny piece I caved, a strong hold
made by me, for us.
Perfectly curated and maintained,
held onto tightly,
even against the tides,
but the grips are burning.
Can’t hold on much longer,
Can you hold the reins for a while?
Oh to have lived!
Can’t you see, we are nothing
Life is fleeting,
Right before your dead eyes.
Won’t you wake up?!
Spring has sprung, the flowers are pretty again.
Even harsh waves still makes an exquisite picture.
Speak to me
You are barely living
Tell me you want more
This too shall pass, I promise.
Hold on to what you believed, just like you told me.
Remember when we lived life
The feeling of youthful bliss, cascading.
This sadness is a chore, my friend
there are holes in all of us,
but we must carry on.
You are it!
I implore you to say
you are an artist, she said.
Cave your name on the surface of reality
Find your armor
Sharpen It,
Wear it fast against yourself
Protect it with such might
As seasons bring in new silhouettes of you
Some as harsh as a brutal winter
Some as joyous as the dawning of spring
Mistakes are bound to be made, but
forget not your greatest masterpiece,
Your heart.
Oh to be alone!
Before I come back,
Am heading home
Solo!
The name and pretense of virtue is as serviceable to self-interest as are real vices.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
The forbidden, no one speaks of it.
Not you, him or them
and neither will I.
We perfected the art of pretense.
If not spoken, then there isn’t life to it
Hence, did it really happen?
Peace of mind so foreign,
can barely remember when you had the luxury of its presence.
Your soul on the cross,
seasons after seasons,
living for your mistakes.
Hey! the celeste are calling, if fettered with a troubled soul
come forth and be gifted tranquility.
I present you this, time after time.
Walk away from your pride, I say.
Love your flaws.
Yet you cling on to the misery you call life.
I have to say, you are drying up
from the inside out, and its almost beautiful to watch
If it wasn’t familiar, dead eye.
As we dwell at the teat of the forbidden you forbade.
Written for Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Forbidden – October 11, 2022
Dancing in a yellow light
Oblivious to world around
It’s just me, myself and the blues
Its all fleeting!
It’s gone,
Packed it’s bag and took off without a goodbye.
Some people actually think it was a curse,
borderline stupid.
But I still want to bask in the bliss of my ‘former’ ignorance.
This self-awareness is very much a hindrance.
Slowly watching my mind becomes an enemy of itself, as it over analyze the smallest smirk.
Please tell me this eventually goes away!
Wait!
If you get too close
and am not how you hoped,
forgive my deceit.
I was raised with little love
scared to life, scared to be
So, I show what you might like.
A facade, is all.
Am running back up the hills now, do not try to follow me.
As I should.
Go that way,
I will take the long way down
I will find my way around.
I saw a glimpse and I don’t like what I see,
The dissonance is draining, so
Am going back in, into myself
Basking in my solitude, sublime!
It takes a while to come back out,
So don’t hold your breath.
“This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel.”
Horace Walpole
In a dark room with surround sound music, playing alternative/indie music. Sitting in your favorite spot, relaxed, eyes closed and a little tipsy.
Peace/Torture
“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” Oscar Wilde
Was it because I stood up to the man in the mirror,
I thought it get better from there.
Was it because I stop listening to the voices,
it was unfriendly.
Was it because I started smiling,
sadness is a chore.
Tell me why, I deserve to know
or do you just miss sipping from the cup of broken me?
Why take it away?
Now Piper does of babel,
and you fucking ibis’s take note!
Fragile mind
I don’t want to be described as strong or virtuous or any adjective that more or less describes the subtle art of perfecting suffering.
Hear Hear
I always thought I didn’t have an addictive trait or personality; boy, did I underestimate the incessant need to forget.
Can we?
Feeling the joy leave,
and being unable to prevent it hurts deeply.
Can we chase the fire away?
I asked with so much hope in my voice.
I mean, I was asking the gods,
they should have an answer, right?
I guess we are on our own.
So, I will keep dancing with the flames
till my time comes.
Doing the right thing is a decision, which in many cases means you stand alone.
Sebastian Kurz
Ever went in so deep,
and fell so fast?
Then I took my leave,
I waited outside
now they all have questions in their gaze
I took it, and it was right!
The thrill of making a decision,
a decision they will never know about.
If I know one thing, is I cannot just be a peach.
Something gotta ease my mind.
I know my weakness but i have an armor now.
“I never liked the middle ground-the most boring place in the world.”
Louise Berliawsky Nevelson
I have fallen in love with the middle ground
my soul paid the price,
not by choice, I must say
the pressure of just being.
I reckon, I have heard someone say “the middle is the best.“
The safest, at-least
right?!
What a coward I have become,
twisting the definition of brave to liberate myself.
Hoping some positives comes from this chaos,
thank God for small miracles, and move on.
Some people have it worse, I hear
So, be thankful for the middle ground.
Ahh, damn it
damn it all to hell, am taking that step
Am holding a banner for me,
its upside down, but look past that
as i peacefully wait to be pulled swiftly,
right into the dissonance.
“Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.”
― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
Say what you wish, but i am yet to meet a human who does not feel some time of emotion once remarked.
Hell, there is a whole industry that banks on the continuous feelings that people get from remarks. Our ever-loving—soul sucking—but still worth-it social media platform.
Even our very own wordpress blog strives on remarks, hence the need to get more follower, likes, comment etc.
Am writing this now only because the realization just dawned on me. For a very long time I was one of those who vehemently believed I didn’t care what anyone remarks was about me until I began consciously writing and increasing my social media presence. Every like’s and comment i got was like an imaginary tap on my back telling me “you have done good”, which is ridiculous but very true.
P.S Ever tried letting out a quick scream while driving? you should….very therapeutic!
Alright, took me a while, but I have come to the conclusion that we are indeed in control of our happiness, but it takes maximum effort and dedication. A dedication that I am currently struggling with but nevertheless striving towards!
‘Happiness is free’ everyone says, but it’s so hard to garner the strength when there are several thought going through your head….but I cannot stress how important it is to push on and eventually make yourself happy, cause no else would do that for you as every one have their own problems to deal with.
P.S I am thinking of picking up photography🤔…….especially nature types, more people gotta appreciation our fine earth!✌️
Golden Rule says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
I politely disagree with this rule. With my 20-someting years on earth I have had to rethink and change most things I thought were expected of me or the respected status quo, and the ‘Golden Rule’ is a philosophy that I currently have a problem with.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Nicety…..I feel should be expressed only when it is really true. In public, when I somehow make eye contact with a stranger, they smile and return their face to normal all within one sec. It probably just me, but I find that very creepy. You.do.not. have to smile at everyone, forcing a smile when you clearly don’t mean it––especially when it is not needed––is not necessary but somehow expected.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Throwing a large birthday party for an introvert, because everyone wants a party right?
There are more notable situations I could point out, but I think you get the gist already. I realize the main premise of the rule is related to other essence of life, but it is good to remind yourself once in while that People are inherently different, hence they should be treated the why they want to be treated!
There are moving parts to everything, the question is who controls the pulley.
odi
Cars have so many moving parts, but just one driver controls it. Such situations happens in almost every thing we do. That being said, it is a well known truth that in every situation someone stands to gain something, hence the need for a neutral third party. My point is, the several News outlet in America have something to gain on how they present their ‘news’, hence it is very important to listen to it as a neutral third party!
I know you found me
I know you love me
And as the seasons cultivates patients,
If you are not done working
am not done waiting
and while am waiting
am not waiting
As heaven lives in me
I haven’t understood a bar of music in my life, but I have felt it.
Igor Stravinsky
I will tell you what works for me when everything just seems overwhelming.
Music!
The powers of music is so underrated until you actually feel the effect on a deeper level. I can firmly say it surpasses the effect of meditation. Close your eyes, make it loud and just listen. Just flow into its rhythms and let it sip into your soul after which you come out restored.
Its almost like a warning sign for me. Once I start feeling the need to listen to slow, almost sad, reflective music I know i need to take a deep breath and regroup before it dives into a depressive state. So, I do just that!, I let go, close my eyes, have the volume up and just listen to the likes of Mumford and Sons, Bon Iver, Andrew Belle, Sleeping at last etc. It takes a while, but after that I find the extra strength to dot my l’s
If you haven’t tried it, you should!
It is much easier to say people are different that actually acknowledging the fact. My motto in life has always been ‘treating people the way I want to be treated’ and that is causing some philosophical problems for me.
Even if people are different, I believe, there are certain thing e.g behaviors in life that remains constant in every human. My personal experience with friendship has put me in some sort of dilemma as I question the essence of friendship and my assumed open-mindedness.
“doing that sounds okay to you?”
“yeah, why”
“cause i find it ridiculous and disappointing”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, that just the way I am…..I do the same thing with other friends!”
“and they have no problem with that?”
“no, everybody is different and that’s me”
“okay, right……….!”
what happens when what you seem to think is open knowledge in reference to friendship is actually not open at all? do you reevaluate or just forget the friendship? asking for a friend!
When men stop believing in God, it isn’t that they then believe in nothing: they believe in everything.
UMBERTO ECO, Foucault’s Pendulum
There is one and the other,
but the one is the other.
It is known that the one created
the other
Hence, the other is part of the one.
Yet, there are tales of believes in the one
but not the other.
In fact, the believe in the one is stronger
than the believe in the other.
It is best to know that there is the other in everyone of us,
but the one keeps us from the other.
Knowing the one and the other, brings understanding to chaos.
I know the sag of the unfinished poem. And I know the release of the poem that is finished.
Mary Oliver
Usually, before I come up with a story to write or plan, it first begins with a conversation in my head. It could be a conversation between two or more people, and the content of this conversation would eventual be the base of the whole story. The rest of the story is then built around the conversation. I would admit that sometimes the story hits a deadlock and other times it just flourishes, anyway here is one of those conversations.
boy, where do I start….I still haven’t found what I was looking for, but the feeling is still there. That nudge toward peaceful emptiness. The ‘it’ that you can sense it coming, but doesn’t seem to ever arrive. I feel….no, I know something is coming, might not be bad but not entirely good either.
“you need to quit with the drinking” she said to me for the hundredth time
“hey, leave me just this one vice, every man needs to be weak to something else they ain’t human.” I think to myself, our weakness is the very essence of humanity, else we would be like animals who maul’s it fellow animal with little or no remorse….”at least I don’t do drugs ehnn…”
she just stared at me without saying a word, cause her weakness is a weight she rather carry herself.
Ever felt at peace right in the middle of chaos? like feeling some sort of calmness or out-of-body experience while a group of people argue around you? I have and I gotta tell ya, its glorious!
Took a short flight recently, and the turbulence was very persistence. I was getting really scared and i though to myself….”If this plane is gonna plunge, might as well not hear it happen”, so i said a quick prayer, plugged my headphones in with the volume at its peak. I closed my eyes and listened to “Sweet Nothing by Florence & machine ft Calvin Harris” while I awaited my impending death. I could feel the non-ending shaking of the plane, but my head space was stellar! The mixture of fear and peace was such a glorious nuance even if it was in the mist of chaos.
btw so happy to be writing again!
You can’t see clearly if you don’t stop crying.
It’s 2:00am, and am still up,
happens most times, so am not surprised.
It getting more frequent, and am getting worried!
every time I close my eyes, I play the same scene
over and over.
The weird part of this mess,
It hasn’t happened yet.
I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t know this people.
Am I to blame for this disaster to come, I wonder.
Oxygen reminds me of what’s to come.
Woke up, took a shower.
Dressed up, pampered the object of attraction.
Today is the day, am going to do it!
Reflection in the mirror looks good, deceiving, but let’s ignore it.
Made breakfast, had breakfast.
Wore shoes,
alright, this is it. I am strong!
They are just words, nothing else to them.
Hands on knob, open door
Stand and stare for a while,
thinking, how the mind works in magical ways.
My little piece of the “five sentence story” competition.
Don’t let me show happiness, the delusion never last.
Don’t let me show weakness, I might like the feel.
Don’t let me show evil, though, I know i can hate.
Lover, I am worried, am fading fast.
Could you love me more just a little, I hope I haven’t burdened you!
Come with me, hide with me, together we escape, pretend we’re somewhere else.
Temple One & katty Heath;
I built a mansion, just around the corner of my sanity.
Each brick, molded precisely to match every memory ever made.
No shadows, silhouettes, or presence permitted, I declared.
Then I heard it.
A soft knock on the door, prompting me to open the door, open my soul, my heart, but I can’t.
It going to spill out, all the memories, the pain, joy, hope, despair.
Especially hope, a terrible gift to loss;
Flood me like the wave of a wicked tide
“go away, private sanity” I say! no reply,
just a soft thump that create a rhyme in my heart.
Of fear? of peace? Still unknown.
A thump to remind me there is a world outside,
Av’ lived it. Hence, my mansion
The feeling between fear and love will never have a place in my mansion, I promise.
It still goes on.
What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.
-Colette
I will smile,
Whatever it takes to fool this town
I will give everything I have,
But my freedom
As I grew up,
My problems aged as well
The story of the poor boy on the news
Was another tale of c’est la vie!
I will learn, I promise
Perfect is the enemy of good, they say
I put it out of my mind,
Long enough to call it courage
I will believe, I promise
How rare and beautiful it is
That I exist,
That’s the chorus to my song.
Unfairness is everywhere.
Parvathy
As the leaves lay on the ground
all hope crushed beyond recognition,
they bear no resemblance
to the blossoming sunshine they once were seasons past.
betrayed by trees that once held their hope.
Who are you to lay your burden on another man
to place such hardened guilt on a heavy soul
You forget, his’ just a man like you
If you can’t shine bright, what are the odds he will shine brighter
like the tree and the leaves, man wither’s away
in your very presence
whilst you place blame’s
Have you tried pulling apart the darkness?
when does personal responsibility comes into play,
your mistake, is thinking the world owe’s you for your contributions.
when in reality, your heirlooms and theirs are uneven odds.
Every new friend is a new adventure….the start of more memories.
Patrick Lindsay.
As soon as I walked out of my last class for the day, I saw Carol and ‘the dolls’. I was immediately reminded to called my dad to further discuss my new-found idea of living off campus, but I had to go get lunch first because my stomach was not having this new diet streak of having water for breakfast. I turned the other direction to avoid tea parties, talk, but unfortunately my feet weren’t fast enough.
“Hey, grace”. Carol hollered.
“Heyyy…..Carol” I replied, trying to seem like I didn’t see her while walking out of the class.
“Where you going..” she playfully sang.
“Am just going to get lunch” I really didn’t want her hearing my conversation with my dad.
“Cool, i was going to eat too.”
“What about your friends.” I pointed to the girls talking behind her.
“I just meet them in my class, not really friends”
“Don’t you wanna get to know them. You know, make new friends.”
“No, they were being mean to the prof, and kept talking about shoes and stuff.”
“You talk about shoes too.”
“Yeah but not that much.”
“Whatever let’s go.” I guess she was tagging along.
We got to the cafeteria which I have to admit is really impressive. It has four stations; Heal; the healthy food section., Dill Strauser; the burger joint, Castrol; the fancy place where chef’s make the food, and Express; The any-kind-of-drink you want place. This is one of the many cafeterias in the school. We went to Heal to get some salad from the salad bar, and I choose a spot at the back so I could talk without being disturbed, or being the disturbance.
“You only had peppers in your salad, that’s weird” Carol observed.
“I got some cucumbers too”
“No cheese, tomatoes or eggs.”
“She refused to melt the cheese, so lemme alone.”
“Who eats salad with melted cheese?”
“I think you mean people should eat salad with melted cheese.” I smiled. We ate our launch, and just chatted about new people in our classes for a while.
“I need to talk to my dad about getting a room off campus.” I conversed.
“What! why do you want to leave the dorm? Is it because of me? ”
“What! No! I just don’t like it. The walls are thin, and I have loud nightmares.” I said with a matter-of-fact face without realizing what i was saying. I do that sometimes, i just blunt out the first thing that comes to mind without giving it more thought.
“Oh.” she said quietly as she looked at me weirdly. Good, I though to myself, now you can stop trying to be my friends…..am all kinds of weird.
“O ooh, we can go apartment shopping together!” she announced cheerfully. I exhaled heavily. I guess this one is sticking.
“Probably, I have to talk to my dad first though.”
“yeah, of cos!.
**NOTE**
Remember to always have headphone on, so you can pretend you don’t hear people calling.
Give me a mention, please.
This is the starting of my greatest
the still air, like we are frozen in time
and every sound a loud echo.
Holding my breath,
his walking, step of confident exhumes him.
One after the other. How? I ask myself
I stretch my hand, I just wanna ask
maybe, he will give me a mention
to whatever source the strength pours from.
GallopingCrazy 