If i was a writer, i would right tragedies!

“This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel.”

Horace Walpole

In a dark room with surround sound music, playing alternative/indie music. Sitting in your favorite spot, relaxed, eyes closed and a little tipsy.

Peace/Torture

Why?

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” Oscar Wilde

Was it because I stood up to the man in the mirror,

I though it get better from there.

Was it because I stop listening to the voices,

it was unfriendly.

Was it because I started smiling,

sadness is a chore.

 

Tell me why, I deserve to know

or do you just miss sipping from the cup of broken me?

Why take it away?

Now Piper does of babel,

and you fucking ibis’s take note!

You should have known

Doing the right thing is a decision, which in many cases means you stand alone.
Sebastian Kurz

Ever went in so deep,

and fell so fast?

Then I took my leave,

I waited outside

now they all have questions in their gaze

I took it, and it was right!

The thrill of making a decision,

a decision they will never know about.

If I know one thing, is I cannot just be a peach.

Something gotta ease my mind.

I know my weakness but i have an armor now.

Middle Ground

“I never liked the middle ground-the most boring place in the world.”

Louise Berliawsky Nevelson

I have fallen in love with the middle ground

my soul paid the price,

not by choice, I must say

the pressure of just being.

I reckon, I have heard someone say “the middle is the best.

The safest, at-least

right?!

What a coward I have become,

twisting the definition of brave to liberate myself.

Hoping some positives comes from this chaos,

thank God for small miracles, and move on.

Some people have it worse, I hear

So, be thankful for the middle ground.

Ahh, damn it

damn it all to hell, am taking that step

Am holding a banner for me,

its upside down, but look past that

as i peacefully wait to be pulled swiftly,

right into the dissonance.

Easily overlooked!

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.” 

― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

Say what you wish, but i am yet to meet a human who does not feel some time of emotion once remarked.

Hell, there is a whole industry that banks on the continuous feelings that people get from remarks. Our ever-loving—soul sucking—but still worth-it social media platform.

Even our very own wordpress blog strives on remarks, hence the need to get more follower, likes, comment etc.

Am writing this now only because the realization just dawned on me. For a very long time I was one of those who vehemently believed I didn’t care what anyone remarks was about me until I began consciously writing and increasing my social media presence. Every like’s and comment i got was like an imaginary tap on my back telling me “you have done good”, which is ridiculous but very true.

P.S Ever tried letting out a quick scream while driving? you should….very therapeutic!

Okay…

Alright, took me a while, but I have come to the conclusion that we are indeed in control of our happiness, but it takes maximum effort and dedication. A dedication that I am currently struggling with but nevertheless striving towards!

‘Happiness is free’ everyone says, but it’s so hard to garner the strength when there are several thought going through your head….but I cannot stress how important it is to push on and eventually make yourself happy, cause no else would do that for you as every one have their own problems to deal with.

P.S I am thinking of picking up photography🤔…….especially nature types, more people gotta appreciation our fine earth!✌️

The Golden Rule

Golden Rule says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

I politely disagree with this rule. With my 20-someting years on earth I have had to rethink and change most things I thought were expected of me or the respected status quo, and the ‘Golden Rule’ is a philosophy that I currently have a problem with.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Nicety…..I feel should be expressed only when it is really true. In public, when I somehow make eye contact with a stranger, they smile and return their face to normal all within one sec. It probably just me, but I find that very creepy. You.do.not. have to smile at everyone, forcing a smile when you clearly don’t mean it––especially when it is not needed––is not necessary but somehow expected.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Throwing a large birthday party for an introvert, because everyone wants a party right?

There are more notable situations I could point out, but I think you get the gist already. I realize the main premise of the rule is related to other essence of life, but it is good to remind yourself once in while that People are inherently different, hence they should be treated the why they want to be treated!

Moving parts

There are moving parts to everything, the question is who controls the pulley.

odi

Cars have so many moving parts, but just one driver controls it. Such situations happens in almost every thing we do. That being said, it is a well known truth that in every situation someone stands to gain something, hence the need for a neutral third party. My point is, the several News outlet in America have something to gain on how they present their ‘news’, hence it is very important to listen to it as a neutral third party!

Grace and Choice

I haven’t understood a bar of music in my life, but I have felt it.
Igor Stravinsky

I will tell you what works for me when everything just seems overwhelming.

Music!

The powers of music is so underrated until you actually feel the effect on a deeper level. I can firmly say it surpasses the effect of meditation. Close your eyes, make it loud and just listen. Just flow into its rhythms and let it sip into your soul after which you come out restored.

Its almost like a warning sign for me. Once I start feeling the need to listen to slow, almost sad, reflective music I know i need to take a deep breath and regroup before it dives into a depressive state. So, I do just that!, I let go, close my eyes, have the volume up and just listen to the likes of Mumford and Sons, Bon Iver, Andrew Belle, Sleeping at last etc. It takes a while, but after that I find the extra strength to dot my l’s

If you haven’t tried it, you should!

Thinking……

It is much easier to say people are different that actually acknowledging the fact. My motto in life has always been ‘treating people the way I want to be treated’ and that is causing some philosophical problems for me.

Even if people are different, I believe, there are certain thing e.g behaviors in life that remains constant in every human. My personal experience with friendship has put me in some sort of dilemma as I question the essence of friendship and my assumed open-mindedness.

“doing that sounds okay to you?”

“yeah, why”

“cause i find it ridiculous and disappointing”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, that just the way I am…..I do the same thing with other friends!”

“and they have no problem with that?”

“no, everybody is different and that’s me”

“okay, right……….!”

what happens when what you seem to think is open knowledge in reference to friendship is actually not open at all? do you reevaluate or just forget the friendship? asking for a friend!

One and the Other

When men stop believing in God, it isn’t that they then believe in nothing: they believe in everything.

UMBERTO ECO, Foucault’s Pendulum

There is one and the other,

but the one is the other.

It is known that the one created

the other

Hence, the other is part of the one.

Yet, there are tales of believes in the one

but not the other.

In fact, the believe in the one is stronger

than the believe in the other.

It is best to know that there is the other in everyone of us,

but the one keeps us from the other.

Knowing the one and the other, brings understanding to chaos.

Unfinished

I know the sag of the unfinished poem. And I know the release of the poem that is finished.
Mary Oliver

Usually, before I come up with a story to write or plan, it first begins with a conversation in my head. It could be a conversation between two or more people, and the content of this conversation would eventual be the base of the whole story. The rest of the story is then built around the conversation. I would admit that sometimes the story hits a deadlock and other times it just flourishes, anyway here is one of those conversations.

boy, where do I start….I still haven’t found what I was looking for, but the feeling is still there. That nudge toward peaceful emptiness. The ‘it’ that you can sense it coming, but doesn’t seem to ever arrive. I feel….no, I know something is coming, might not be bad but not entirely good either.

“you need to quit with the drinking” she said to me for the hundredth time

“hey, leave me just this one vice, every man needs to be weak to something else they ain’t human.” I think to myself, our weakness is the very essence of humanity, else we would be like animals who maul’s it fellow animal with little or no remorse….”at least I don’t do drugs ehnn…”

she just stared at me without saying a word, cause her weakness is a weight she rather carry herself.

Glorious Chaos

Ever felt at peace right in the middle of chaos? like feeling some sort of calmness or out-of-body experience while a group of people argue around you? I have and I gotta tell ya, its glorious!

Took a short flight recently, and the turbulence was very persistence. I was getting really scared and i though to myself….”If this plane is gonna plunge, might as well not hear it happen”, so i said a quick prayer, plugged my headphones in with the volume at its peak. I closed my eyes and listened to “Sweet Nothing by Florence & machine ft Calvin Harris” while I awaited my impending death. I could feel the non-ending shaking of the plane, but my head space was stellar!  The mixture of fear and peace was such a glorious nuance even if it was in the mist of chaos.

btw so happy to be writing again!

Hazy

You can’t see clearly if you don’t stop crying.

It’s 2:00am, and am still up,

happens most times, so am not surprised.

It getting more frequent, and am getting worried!

every time I close my eyes, I play the same scene

over and over.

The weird part of this mess,

It hasn’t happened yet.

I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t know this people.

Am I to blame for this disaster to come, I wonder.

Oxygen reminds me of what’s to come.

Start

Woke up, took a shower.

Dressed up, pampered the object of attraction.

Today is the day, am going to do it!

Reflection in the mirror looks good, deceiving, but let’s ignore it.

Made breakfast, had breakfast.

Wore shoes,

alright, this is it. I am strong!

They are just words, nothing else to them.

Hands on knob, open door…..

Stand and stare for a while,

thinking…, how the mind works in magical ways.

 

Mansion

Come with me, hide with me, together we escape, pretend we’re somewhere else.

Temple One & katty Heath;

I built a mansion, just around the corner of my sanity.

Each brick, molded precisely to match every memory ever made.

No shadows, silhouettes, or presence permitted, I declared.

Then I heard it.

 

A soft knock on the door, prompting me to open the door, open my soul, my heart, but I can’t.

It going to spill out, all the memories, the pain, joy, hope, despair.

Especially hope, a terrible gift to loss;

Flood me like the wave of a wicked tide

 

“go away, private sanity” I say! no reply,

just a soft thump that create a rhyme in my heart.

Of fear? of peace? Still unknown.

A thump to remind me there is a world outside,

Av’ lived it. Hence, my mansion

The feeling between fear and love will never have a place in my mansion, I promise.

It still goes on.

What I Learn

What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.

 -Colette

 

I will smile,

Whatever it takes to fool this town

I will give everything I have,

But my freedom

 

As I grew up,

My problems aged as well

The story of the poor boy on the news

Was another tale of c’est la vie!

 

I will learn, I promise

Perfect is the enemy of good, they say

I put it out of my mind,

Long enough to call it courage

 

I will believe, I promise

How rare and beautiful it is

That I exist,

That’s the chorus to my song.

Given Odds

Unfairness is everywhere.
Parvathy

As the leaves lay on the ground

all hope crushed beyond recognition,

they bear no resemblance

to the blossoming sunshine they once were seasons past.

betrayed by trees that once held their hope.

Who are you to lay your burden on another man

to place such hardened guilt on a heavy soul

You forget, his’ just a man like you

If you can’t shine bright, what are the odds he will shine brighter

like the tree and the leaves, man wither’s away

in your very presence

whilst you place blame’s

Have you tried pulling apart the darkness?

when does personal responsibility comes into play,

your mistake, is thinking the world owe’s you for your contributions.

when in reality, your heirlooms and theirs are uneven odds.

HOME; Making Friends

Every new friend is a new adventure….the start of more memories.
Patrick Lindsay.

As soon as I walked out of my last class for the day, I saw Carol and ‘the dolls’. I was immediately reminded to called my dad to further discuss my new-found idea of living off campus, but I had to go get lunch first because my stomach was not having this new diet streak of having water for breakfast. I turned the other direction to avoid tea parties, talk, but unfortunately my feet weren’t fast enough.

“Hey, grace”. Carol hollered.

“Heyyy…..Carol” I replied, trying to seem like I didn’t see her while walking out of the class. 

“Where you going..” she playfully sang.

“Am just going to get lunch” I really didn’t want her hearing my conversation with my dad.

“Cool, i was going to eat too.”

“What about your friends.” I pointed to the girls talking behind her.

“I just meet them in my class, not really friends”

“Don’t you wanna get to know them. You know, make new friends.”

“No, they were being mean to the prof, and kept talking about shoes and stuff.”

“You talk about shoes too.”

“Yeah but not that much.”

“Whatever let’s go.” I guess she was tagging along.

We got to the cafeteria which I have to admit is really impressive. It has four stations; Heal; the healthy food section., Dill Strauser; the burger joint, Castrol; the fancy place where chef’s make the food, and Express; The any-kind-of-drink you want place. This is one of the many cafeterias in the school. We went to Heal to get some salad from the salad bar, and I choose a spot at the back so I could talk without being disturbed, or being the disturbance.

“You only had peppers in your salad, that’s weird” Carol observed.

“I got some cucumbers too”

“No cheese, tomatoes or eggs.”

“She refused to melt the cheese, so lemme alone.”

“Who eats salad with melted cheese?”

“I think you mean people should eat salad with melted cheese.” I smiled. We ate our launch, and just chatted about new people in our classes for a while.

“I need to talk to my dad about getting a room off campus.” I conversed.

“What! why do you want to leave the dorm? Is it because of me? ”

“What! No! I just don’t like it. The walls are thin, and I have loud nightmares.” I said with a matter-of-fact face without realizing what i was saying. I do that sometimes, i just blunt out the first thing that comes to mind without giving it more thought.

“Oh.” she said quietly as she looked at me weirdly. Good, I though to myself, now you can stop trying to be my friends…..am all kinds of weird.

“O ooh, we can go apartment shopping together!” she announced cheerfully. I exhaled heavily. I guess this one is sticking.

“Probably, I have to talk to my dad first though.”

“yeah, of cos!.

**NOTE**

Remember to always have headphone on, so you can pretend you don’t hear people calling.

Give me a mention

Give me a mention, please.

This is the starting of my greatest

the still air, like we are frozen in time

and every sound a loud echo.

Holding my breath,

his walking, step of confident exhumes him.

One after the other. How? I ask myself

I stretch my hand, I just wanna ask

maybe, he will give me a mention

to whatever source the strength pours from.