I can’t believe that I can’t believe it!
Dancing to my tune of rejection
Wrapped up in my dissonance
That I somehow ignored my insignificance
Now, I know am only passing through
Hurts, cause I made in you a mantle
In my uneventful life…had it almost.
Now I do believe am only passing through
What to say and what I really mean
“Imagine them, Compare to you”
Am I over thinking things again?
Will I gain courage for the truth?
Maybe, cause where my heart is there is never a home.
Am I making a molehill?
I think I wanna be alone now!
I don’t want to be described as strong or virtuous or any adjective that more or less describes the subtle art of perfecting suffering.
I always thought I didn’t have an addictive trait or personality; boy, did I underestimate the incessant need to forget.
Feeling the joy leave,
and being unable to prevent it hurts deeply.
Can we chase the fire away?
I asked with so much hope in my voice.
I mean, I was asking the gods,
they should have an answer, right?
I guess we are on our own.
So, I will keep dancing with the flames
till my time comes.
“I never liked the middle ground-the most boring place in the world.”
Louise Berliawsky Nevelson
I have fallen in love with the middle ground
my soul paid the price,
not by choice, I must say
the pressure of just being.
I reckon, I have heard someone say “the middle is the best.“
The safest, at-least
What a coward I have become,
twisting the definition of brave to liberate myself.
Hoping some positives comes from this chaos,
thank God for small miracles, and move on.
Some people have it worse, I hear
So, be thankful for the middle ground.
Ahh, damn it
damn it all to hell, am taking that step
Am holding a banner for me,
its upside down, but look past that
as i peacefully wait to be pulled swiftly,
right into the dissonance.
“Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.”
― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
Say what you wish, but i am yet to meet a human who does not feel some time of emotion once remarked.
Hell, there is a whole industry that banks on the continuous feelings that people get from remarks. Our ever-loving—soul sucking—but still worth-it social media platform.
Even our very own wordpress blog strives on remarks, hence the need to get more follower, likes, comment etc.
Am writing this now only because the realization just dawned on me. For a very long time I was one of those who vehemently believed I didn’t care what anyone remarks was about me until I began consciously writing and increasing my social media presence. Every like’s and comment i got was like an imaginary tap on my back telling me “you have done good”, which is ridiculous but very true.
P.S Ever tried letting out a quick scream while driving? you should….very therapeutic!
Alright, took me a while, but I have come to the conclusion that we are indeed in control of our happiness, but it takes maximum effort and dedication. A dedication that I am currently struggling with but nevertheless striving towards!
‘Happiness is free’ everyone says, but it’s so hard to garner the strength when there are several thought going through your head….but I cannot stress how important it is to push on and eventually make yourself happy, cause no else would do that for you as every one have their own problems to deal with.
P.S I am thinking of picking up photography🤔…….especially nature types, more people gotta appreciation our fine earth!✌️
I know you found me
I know you love me
And as the seasons cultivates patients,
If you are not done working
am not done waiting
and while am waiting
am not waiting
As heaven lives in me
I haven’t understood a bar of music in my life, but I have felt it.
I will tell you what works for me when everything just seems overwhelming.
The powers of music is so underrated until you actually feel the effect on a deeper level. I can firmly say it surpasses the effect of meditation. Close your eyes, make it loud and just listen. Just flow into its rhythms and let it sip into your soul after which you come out restored.
Its almost like a warning sign for me. Once I start feeling the need to listen to slow, almost sad, reflective music I know i need to take a deep breath and regroup before it dives into a depressive state. So, I do just that!, I let go, close my eyes, have the volume up and just listen to the likes of Mumford and Sons, Bon Iver, Andrew Belle, Sleeping at last etc. It takes a while, but after that I find the extra strength to dot my l’s
If you haven’t tried it, you should!
You can’t see clearly if you don’t stop crying.
It’s 2:00am, and am still up,
happens most times, so am not surprised.
It getting more frequent, and am getting worried!
every time I close my eyes, I play the same scene
over and over.
The weird part of this mess,
It hasn’t happened yet.
I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t know this people.
Am I to blame for this disaster to come, I wonder.
Oxygen reminds me of what’s to come.