Middle Ground

“I never liked the middle ground-the most boring place in the world.”

Louise Berliawsky Nevelson

I have fallen in love with the middle ground

my soul paid the price,

not by choice, I must say

the pressure of just being.

I reckon, I have heard someone say “the middle is the best.

The safest, at-least

right?!

What a coward I have become,

twisting the definition of brave to liberate myself.

Hoping some positives comes from this chaos,

thank God for small miracles, and move on.

Some people have it worse, I hear

So, be thankful for the middle ground.

Ahh, damn it

damn it all to hell, am taking that step

Am holding a banner for me,

its upside down, but look past that

as i peacefully wait to be pulled swiftly,

right into the dissonance.

Easily overlooked!

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.” 

― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

Say what you wish, but i am yet to meet a human who does not feel some time of emotion once remarked.

Hell, there is a whole industry that banks on the continuous feelings that people get from remarks. Our ever-loving—soul sucking—but still worth-it social media platform.

Even our very own wordpress blog strives on remarks, hence the need to get more follower, likes, comment etc.

Am writing this now only because the realization just dawned on me. For a very long time I was one of those who vehemently believed I didn’t care what anyone remarks was about me until I began consciously writing and increasing my social media presence. Every like’s and comment i got was like an imaginary tap on my back telling me “you have done good”, which is ridiculous but very true.

P.S Ever tried letting out a quick scream while driving? you should….very therapeutic!

Okay…

Alright, took me a while, but I have come to the conclusion that we are indeed in control of our happiness, but it takes maximum effort and dedication. A dedication that I am currently struggling with but nevertheless striving towards!

‘Happiness is free’ everyone says, but it’s so hard to garner the strength when there are several thought going through your head….but I cannot stress how important it is to push on and eventually make yourself happy, cause no else would do that for you as every one have their own problems to deal with.

P.S I am thinking of picking up photography🤔…….especially nature types, more people gotta appreciation our fine earth!✌️

Grace and Choice

I haven’t understood a bar of music in my life, but I have felt it.
Igor Stravinsky

I will tell you what works for me when everything just seems overwhelming.

Music!

The powers of music is so underrated until you actually feel the effect on a deeper level. I can firmly say it surpasses the effect of meditation. Close your eyes, make it loud and just listen. Just flow into its rhythms and let it sip into your soul after which you come out restored.

Its almost like a warning sign for me. Once I start feeling the need to listen to slow, almost sad, reflective music I know i need to take a deep breath and regroup before it dives into a depressive state. So, I do just that!, I let go, close my eyes, have the volume up and just listen to the likes of Mumford and Sons, Bon Iver, Andrew Belle, Sleeping at last etc. It takes a while, but after that I find the extra strength to dot my l’s

If you haven’t tried it, you should!

Hazy

You can’t see clearly if you don’t stop crying.

It’s 2:00am, and am still up,

happens most times, so am not surprised.

It getting more frequent, and am getting worried!

every time I close my eyes, I play the same scene

over and over.

The weird part of this mess,

It hasn’t happened yet.

I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t know this people.

Am I to blame for this disaster to come, I wonder.

Oxygen reminds me of what’s to come.

HOME; Making Friends

Every new friend is a new adventure….the start of more memories.
Patrick Lindsay.

As soon as I walked out of my last class for the day, I saw Carol and ‘the dolls’. I was immediately reminded to called my dad to further discuss my new-found idea of living off campus, but I had to go get lunch first because my stomach was not having this new diet streak of having water for breakfast. I turned the other direction to avoid tea parties, talk, but unfortunately my feet weren’t fast enough.

“Hey, grace”. Carol hollered.

“Heyyy…..Carol” I replied, trying to seem like I didn’t see her while walking out of the class. 

“Where you going..” she playfully sang.

“Am just going to get lunch” I really didn’t want her hearing my conversation with my dad.

“Cool, i was going to eat too.”

“What about your friends.” I pointed to the girls talking behind her.

“I just meet them in my class, not really friends”

“Don’t you wanna get to know them. You know, make new friends.”

“No, they were being mean to the prof, and kept talking about shoes and stuff.”

“You talk about shoes too.”

“Yeah but not that much.”

“Whatever let’s go.” I guess she was tagging along.

We got to the cafeteria which I have to admit is really impressive. It has four stations; Heal; the healthy food section., Dill Strauser; the burger joint, Castrol; the fancy place where chef’s make the food, and Express; The any-kind-of-drink you want place. This is one of the many cafeterias in the school. We went to Heal to get some salad from the salad bar, and I choose a spot at the back so I could talk without being disturbed, or being the disturbance.

“You only had peppers in your salad, that’s weird” Carol observed.

“I got some cucumbers too”

“No cheese, tomatoes or eggs.”

“She refused to melt the cheese, so lemme alone.”

“Who eats salad with melted cheese?”

“I think you mean people should eat salad with melted cheese.” I smiled. We ate our launch, and just chatted about new people in our classes for a while.

“I need to talk to my dad about getting a room off campus.” I conversed.

“What! why do you want to leave the dorm? Is it because of me? ”

“What! No! I just don’t like it. The walls are thin, and I have loud nightmares.” I said with a matter-of-fact face without realizing what i was saying. I do that sometimes, i just blunt out the first thing that comes to mind without giving it more thought.

“Oh.” she said quietly as she looked at me weirdly. Good, I though to myself, now you can stop trying to be my friends…..am all kinds of weird.

“O ooh, we can go apartment shopping together!” she announced cheerfully. I exhaled heavily. I guess this one is sticking.

“Probably, I have to talk to my dad first though.”

“yeah, of cos!.

**NOTE**

Remember to always have headphone on, so you can pretend you don’t hear people calling.