Before I come back,
Am heading home
Solo!
So long
Oh to be alone!
Category: dialogue
You should have known
Doing the right thing is a decision, which in many cases means you stand alone.
Sebastian Kurz
Ever went in so deep,
and fell so fast?
Then I took my leave,
I waited outside
now they all have questions in their gaze
I took it, and it was right!
The thrill of making a decision,
a decision they will never know about.
If I know one thing, is I cannot just be a peach.
Something gotta ease my mind.
I know my weakness but i have an armor now.
Thinking……
It is much easier to say people are different that actually acknowledging the fact. My motto in life has always been ‘treating people the way I want to be treated’ and that is causing some philosophical problems for me.
Even if people are different, I believe, there are certain thing e.g behaviors in life that remains constant in every human. My personal experience with friendship has put me in some sort of dilemma as I question the essence of friendship and my assumed open-mindedness.
“doing that sounds okay to you?”
“yeah, why”
“cause i find it ridiculous and disappointing”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, that just the way I am…..I do the same thing with other friends!”
“and they have no problem with that?”
“no, everybody is different and that’s me”
“okay, right……….!”
what happens when what you seem to think is open knowledge in reference to friendship is actually not open at all? do you reevaluate or just forget the friendship? asking for a friend!
One and the Other
When men stop believing in God, it isn’t that they then believe in nothing: they believe in everything.
UMBERTO ECO, Foucault’s Pendulum
There is one and the other,
but the one is the other.
It is known that the one created
the other
Hence, the other is part of the one.
Yet, there are tales of believes in the one
but not the other.
In fact, the believe in the one is stronger
than the believe in the other.
It is best to know that there is the other in everyone of us,
but the one keeps us from the other.
Knowing the one and the other, brings understanding to chaos.
HOME; Family.
fam·i·ly
noun: family; plural noun: families
1.
a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.
“Hey dad.”
“Hey, baby! How’s school going? Miss home already? Want me to come pick you up? I won’t tell your mum”
“Haha.., yes dad, I miss home, but not coming home yet. I just wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Oh, is something wrong?”
“Nothing serious, I just wanted to ask if I could get a room off campus? I know it not really safe or what we talked about, but the walls are really thin. Music is not allowed after light out, and I woke my friend up last night from my nightmare.” I explained.
“Oh.” he voiced. His always uncomfortable about these things, and that’s exactly why I called him instead of my mom.
“But, what if the same happens in the new place?” he reasoned.
“I thought about that, and that why am going to find a room with thick walls with a little distance from the other roommate or I won’t move out.”
“Hmm, I don’t like this idea, and your mom is definitely not going to like it.”
“I know, but I really don’t want to wake people up every night.”
“And you don’t wanna go see someone about this dreams.” he argued.
“Nothing yet dad, plus they’re just dreams.”
“When will it be, pup.” using his nickname for me.
He was quiet for a while. He hates that I don’t talk to someone about my dreams, but I argue that am fine because truly I am. Am not scared of the dark, I willing chose to be friendly, and I don’t have any other emotional problems aside from the scary dreams; it might sound weird, but am happy to come out with just bad dreams. I don’t think I’m emotionally, or physically strong enough to let myself remember my past. Deep down I know I had a horrible past, I see the result everyday when I look at my sister, but I don’t remember the exact details. The doctors that talked to my parents said my brain has chosen to repress the bad memory, and I couldn’t be more thankful.
Amara, my sister was adopted when she was eleven, and she started seeing a therapist immediately, courtesy of our parents. Although, they were trying to help, but the sessions had the opposite effect on her. Ama doesn’t talk, only on very, very rare occasion. Whatever she remembered scared her to silence. She is terrified of sudden sounds ,new people, open space and so on. Now you understand why I am happy with just bad-dreams, at least I get to live my life without fear.
“Alright, pup! Lemme talk with your mom about it” he finally said.
“Ok, thanks dad.” I replied knowing I have gotten my way.
“You wanna talk to your sister’s or brother?” he asked.
“Bow have been texting me nonstop, and I face-timed ama a few hours ago, is shel’s there?”
“Yh!, here he comes, love you pup”
“Love you too da-da.”
“Hey grace” Sheldon practically yelled in my ears.
“Hey buddy! How you doing, miss me yet?” We made a bet that he was gonna miss very much, pretty soon.
“Psst! Are you a controller, and will jump when I press the buttons?
“What are yo…..Oh, your stupid video game.”
“Yep, I didn’t even noticed you left the house, where did you go again?”
“Haha! Very smooth lil bro, very smooth, but I miss you tho..”
“Yeah, whatever.” he said timidly. His ten and he is already acts like a typical male.
“Alright kid, when mum get home tell her “I miss you” what did I say?”
“To tell mum “I miss you””
“Ha! You said it.”
“NO, I didn’t…..I was just saying what you said.”
“Same difference bro, gotta go now, love you..Ha! You said it” I hanged-up without giving him a chance to reply.
**Note to self**
Start looking for apartments.
Bad-ass Joe
bad·ass
ˈbadˌas/
noun
1.
a tough, uncompromising, or intimidating person.
“Let go!.” Davis yelled.
“It too late man, there is no saving him now that they have him.” Ceal replied knowing he was talking to deaf ears.
“Am not letting that bastard go this time. Let go!” Davis basically ordered.
“Listen, all we can do now is fucking pray and wait.”
“Am Catholic. I don’t pray, I just ask for forgiveness after.” he snared as he walked out. Well I guess we are the bloody cavalry then, Ceal thought to himself as he followed behind.
HOME; Making Friends
Every new friend is a new adventure….the start of more memories.
Patrick Lindsay.
As soon as I walked out of my last class for the day, I saw Carol and ‘the dolls’. I was immediately reminded to called my dad to further discuss my new-found idea of living off campus, but I had to go get lunch first because my stomach was not having this new diet streak of having water for breakfast. I turned the other direction to avoid tea parties, talk, but unfortunately my feet weren’t fast enough.
“Hey, grace”. Carol hollered.
“Heyyy…..Carol” I replied, trying to seem like I didn’t see her while walking out of the class.
“Where you going..” she playfully sang.
“Am just going to get lunch” I really didn’t want her hearing my conversation with my dad.
“Cool, i was going to eat too.”
“What about your friends.” I pointed to the girls talking behind her.
“I just meet them in my class, not really friends”
“Don’t you wanna get to know them. You know, make new friends.”
“No, they were being mean to the prof, and kept talking about shoes and stuff.”
“You talk about shoes too.”
“Yeah but not that much.”
“Whatever let’s go.” I guess she was tagging along.
We got to the cafeteria which I have to admit is really impressive. It has four stations; Heal; the healthy food section., Dill Strauser; the burger joint, Castrol; the fancy place where chef’s make the food, and Express; The any-kind-of-drink you want place. This is one of the many cafeterias in the school. We went to Heal to get some salad from the salad bar, and I choose a spot at the back so I could talk without being disturbed, or being the disturbance.
“You only had peppers in your salad, that’s weird” Carol observed.
“I got some cucumbers too”
“No cheese, tomatoes or eggs.”
“She refused to melt the cheese, so lemme alone.”
“Who eats salad with melted cheese?”
“I think you mean people should eat salad with melted cheese.” I smiled. We ate our launch, and just chatted about new people in our classes for a while.
“I need to talk to my dad about getting a room off campus.” I conversed.
“What! why do you want to leave the dorm? Is it because of me? ”
“What! No! I just don’t like it. The walls are thin, and I have loud nightmares.” I said with a matter-of-fact face without realizing what i was saying. I do that sometimes, i just blunt out the first thing that comes to mind without giving it more thought.
“Oh.” she said quietly as she looked at me weirdly. Good, I though to myself, now you can stop trying to be my friends…..am all kinds of weird.
“O ooh, we can go apartment shopping together!” she announced cheerfully. I exhaled heavily. I guess this one is sticking.
“Probably, I have to talk to my dad first though.”
“yeah, of cos!.
**NOTE**
Remember to always have headphone on, so you can pretend you don’t hear people calling.
HOME: The Dream (ep 2)
DREAM
noun
1.
a series of thoughts, and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep.
“Hey g, are you alright?!” Knock! Knock! but I couldn’t move.
I felt like I was tied-down, but there were no ropes or chains on my body. Every single bone in me was scared. I was screaming and pleading in tears, yet there was nobody keeping me shackled. In fact, there was nothing around me; fourteen year old me was just walking down a road surrounded by desert-looking sand, in the far distance I see trees and mountains, and I keep hearing a voice saying.
“Open the box, and fill the leak. You don’t want to remember now” Repeatedly.
The worst feeling is fearing the unknown. When deep in your soul you are horribly scared of something or an event that hasn’t happen yet. That’s the state my dreams put me in every time. I wake up even more tired than I went to bed. Whenever it gets this bad it lasts for about two or three-month then I sleep with music playing in my room so my screams don’t bother anyone. I think my mum has an idea why I have music playing in my room in the middle of the night, but she doesn’t ask me to turn it off, nor does my dad. Ama, my seventeen-year old sister knows fully well why I have music playing in my room; we suffered almost the same past before we were adopted, but that a story for another day far, far away from now.
First, I gotta get out of this dream, and then deal with the noise coming from my door. To ease the hold on me, I pick a lock. I know it sounds weird, but it works sometimes. I draw a door in my mind, and concentrate really heard on trying to pick the lock with the key-shaped pendant that’s always on my neck. Usually, I never open the lock, but it helps jolts my mind into realizing than am just dreaming. Thankfully, it worked this time. I sat up on my bed, cleaned my eye, and concentrated on breathing evenly for a few seconds then walked up to the door.
“Hey, yeah, am fine.”
“but I heard screaming.” Carol asked worriedly.
“Was just a bad dream. but, am fine.”
“are you sure?”
“Yes. Thanks for checking on me, I really appreciate it” I said. I really do like her.
“It okay, you would check on me too, right? If you heard screaming.”
“Yeah, totally. Unless, it the other kind of screaming.” I wink. I saw Scotty, a course mate of ours going into her room last night.
“Oh, shut up, he didn’t stay the night” she replied with a smile on her face.
“whatever you say. lemme go freshen up and meet you at the lounge alright?” Fortunately, we have two classes in the morning together, so we just walk to class together.
“Yeah, okay.”
*Note to Self*
Begin searching for an apartment/room outside the school. Especially, a room with thick walls.
HOME;
HOME;
noun
1.
the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.
I have just gotten accepted into one of the most prestigious university in the country, and I am excited about it. My parent, and sibling aren’t as ecstatic as i am. You would think they would be happy, especially when it a full ride scholarship. Nevertheless, am determined to make something of myself, and I would be damned if anything stops me……until I meet my dorm mates. This is an ivy league school, of course I expected to meet filthy rich people, but LAWD!! this people live in a very very expensive bubble.
The ‘Soir de connaissance’ event was coming up. It is just an overtly fancy name for freshman night. At this event important people welcome you to the school and you get to socialize with your fellow newbies. It is apparently a very classy event and a dress is required, so i decided to go dress shopping with a few girls I had already meet. They picked a beautiful store, and I innocently began browsing for a nice evening gown. I found a peachy looking gorgeous gown that fits perfectly and complement my light black skin. I never really though about checking the price tag. I knew it was going to be expensive so i took out $500 before embarking on this trip. After picking our choices, we went up to the check-out desk and it turns out the dress cost a whooping $2500. I did a double take.
“TWENTY-FIVE HUND…WHAT!” I asked. That’s a perfectly good used car from the auction, I though to myself. The look on my face must have been horrid.
“Are you alright, grace?” Carol, one of the girls asked.
“No, Yes! yes, am alright….hmm, I don’t think i have that much with me” I said.
“They must have forgotten to put some money in your account.” someone commented.
“ugh, I hate when they do that.” Carol said.
“you need to yell at them that what I did and daddy gave me double” Carol suggested with an evil smile on her face.
“Yeah, am just gonna come back later” I replied sheepishly. Carol eventually paid for the dress, because she understands my “pain” even though i vehemently refused.
*note to self, never. I repeat, NEVER go shopping with this girls again. *
Anonymous Anonymous! 02
They all traipse in like bunch of high school student who are being sent to detention. Stan, the group coordinator welcomed everyone in his usually calm voice.
“Good to see you guys. Today we are going to start as usual, we will go around in turns summarizing how our weeks has been.” looking to his right, he said,
“Jamie, you wanna start.”
“No, thanks. I will pass!”
“It wasn’t a question.”Stan deadpanned
“Why the fuck did you ask me then?”he said angrily, “you be doing this shit thinking you cute,”
“Jesus!?, am just trying to be polite to your cranky ass, now quit your whining and tell us about your week.”
“Well, if you are so interested, I almost got fired this week.”
“why?, do you mind sharing ?
“No”
“Jamie you-”
“If you FUCKING tell me I have to…I will rearrange your stupid smile to the right proportion”
“Just talk!”
“During a busy hour at the grocery store…my fucking shift manager told me to announce something on the intercom, he knows I don’t like talking on that shit, so I added a little flavor to it.”
“What did you say?” Morgan asked
“Ladies and gentlemen, the meat section are now 70% off, but ask yourself, why would we do that?”
They all laughed. “That was just one person’s week, I wonder what the rest is going to be” Morgan thought to himself.
GallopingCrazy 