Any one who have been plagued with the heavy burden of having a unique and complex name will understand my pain.
While she was working she got a message on her screen telling her to go to the small conference room. She knew this was coming, in her opinion ‘unnecessary’, but nevertheless it was going to happen.
She logged out of her station and proceeded to the small conference room. They were at least eight shift managers in their orange vest that says “Manager”, like we can’t pick out fake in a crowd, and two people from human resources already seated in the small conference room.
“Great, the whole gang is here”, she whispered to herself.
The general manager of that building was also there, and he was the first to talk
“hey Simi, thanks for joining us”
“like I had a choice” she murmured
“this is not an ambush, we just want to talk”
“it sure does feel like it”
“Look around, and say that again! I have got about eight manager surrounding me, and about five of which wanna take turns showing me a very narrow path in which to take a walk. Oh! and don’t forget the two HR buddies who just want to get this over with.”
“but you seem to be handling it well”
“what can I say, I hate bullies”
“we are not trying to bully you”
“yeah, and Nixon didn’t hide the tape! Listen, I don’t know what this is about, but I guess it had something to do with what I told Jim yesterday. I know what I said, and I stand by every word of it, if you have a problem with what I said please! by all means fire me, but make no mistake I will have my day in court.”
“Like I said simi, this is not an ambush. We heard what you said to Jim and we just wanted to go through your concerns. Despite what you might believe, we are not all against you”
“okay, i will humor you, just for shit and giggles”
I really miss writing. With working and going to school full-time I haven’t had anytime to write, but here is a short piece I just came up with right now. It is a conversation between two people without the other present.
“hey glumly goose, what do you call a hunter who shots a deer with either hands?”
“a greedy sonofabitch?”
“ha ha, real funny.”
“hey, before we kickoff this whole shebang i just want to let you know that it is your job to throw yourself on my casket and weep at my funeral.”
“hold that thought, i just might go first, but i don’t want your tears all over my gold chrome casket.”
“hahaha…awwww… I have been hit. False alarm, still invincible!!”
“keep it up Rumpelstiltskin!, douche.”
atleast they converse in humor now.
I know when we grew up our shadows grew up too, but
all my life I’ve being afraid of falling backwards, and moving forward, but
my progress was like making faces in the dark, but
move on I will!
oxygen reminds me of what I have lost, yeah
when the wolves come out to play I run and hide
in that moment I think back to everything, and i realize
Am still breathing, I am alive!!
Help! Help! am drowning,
In the violent sea of the promises you never made
you bore me yet you buried me with every breath
your footstep, a dirge to my fragile heart
My heartbeat sycophants with thy footstep as you welcome your presence
the one picture of me smiling is a dream in it’s making
this look of sadness bares no resemblance to the dark hole in the chest you hollowed
It started like a movie with no hopes for a happy ending, then made the nightly news
The scenes play out in slow motion in my head everyday
I don’t know how to fast forward, if I did, I would memorize it
The sheep she led me to wants more than I can speak
If I see a bright light I promise I will follow.
I though the hell was never-ending so I took to my wrist
turns out you were right I am a coward indeed!
tracks meet in your car and complicates my plans for you
even then, your memories like spiked torn in my being
the part you played in reforming my silhouette is the best of your effort
I don’t know what your truth is, if I did I would bury it
Someone, tell me what happened after the first shot
I don’t remember any of it, don’t want to, but tell me
I wish I was innocent in a bad way but I found that i am reticent in my own strength
I wish this heart could bleed out right
I won’t fight it, fight how rare and beautiful it is to merely exist.
This is all for you
I promise, it’s all for you
I will lay my life for you
I took the offer for you
The marks are for you, all of them, my sign of love for you
The curfews were for you
My short fuses were because of you, all for your sake
I believed you when you promised I will be safe
another lie from the front line
ooh, I can’t wait
for when I can put it out of my mind long enough.
As she kept going on and on about her friend and some other things that I unconsciously drown out. I was deaf to her words, at that point I remember that I had bills to pay before it gets due. Ooh, and don’t forget to reply mum’s text before she calls…..maybe I should order pizza, cause I don’t want to do any the dishes….I still have to go-
“D, what do you think i should do?” she asked .
It turns out, I missed a huge part of the conversation. Am definitely not a good listener; there is just something about story’s.
IT’S NOT ABOUT SELF-IMPROVEMENT;ITS ABOUT EARNING APPROVAL AND ACCEPTANCE
I cannot further stress how much I hate my job but I find myself working hard when certain responsibilities are placed on me. Most people live with the delusion that they don’t need people approval, but i will be the first to rid myself of such lie.
I was at work busy with a batch of assignment, at that moment my boss needed a different batch done ASAP. She came straight to my station to give it to me, but she saw I was already busy with an important batch whereas the person behind me was not. she asked what was the name of the person behind my station, I replied, after which she said “I don’t trust him, I will leave this here, when you are done with that please complete this.”
This really surprised me, because the batch she gave me should be out of the building by 2:30pm, and the time was 1:40pm. It takes about 30 mins to get a batch done, PLUS I was already busy with an important batch. Although I got both batches out in due time, but this made me realize that when a responsibility is placed upon you, you do not want to disappoint. Like I said, I hate my job and I could careless on what goes out at the right time, but there is something about being giving a responsibility; especially when the person absolutely believes you can do it. Brent brown said, and I quote
“Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it not about self-improvement; it’s about earning approval and acceptance.”